Aren’t we just glad we are born and raised in these times where sexuality is better accepted? I am, for sure. We still don’t talk about sex freely with people (I don’t think that is a good idea if you want to be well-respected), but many taboos and myths have vanished along the way while we were growing up and as adults we are comfortable with our sexuality.

When I was growing up I did not have very huge interest to explore sexuality, and I could say I was a ‘late-bloomer’. I first heard about the word ‘masturbate’ from a girl friend when I was in Primary 5, who gave me second hand accounts on how she heard other people do it, but I could hardly comprehend what she was talking about. Apart from that, there were not much discussion at home or with friends on such subjects. Knowledge was acquired mostly from teens magazines. Other misconceptions arose from self doubts along the way, such as ‘Will this make me a non-virgin’, ‘Will this affect my fertility’ etc. Thankfully I always managed to find good answers from reliable sources like books and educational publications and have always felt positive about sexuality.

For the less fortunate, they might have heard these before; Masturbation:

1. Will make you grow old.
2. Will affect your future partner-sex-life.
3. Will give you disease ‘down there’.
4. Will make you lose your memory.
5. Will give you weak knees.
6. Will cause dysfunction of the genitals.

Many of the sexual myths that survive today have deep roots. For example, in western culture during the early 20th century, girls were forced to wear gloves made of a wire wool substance at night and would put powder on their genitals that made them painful to touch. Boys were often forced to wear chastity belts at night so that an erection would cause pain. Sex was not meant to be pleasurable, it was only for making babies. Self-gratification was seen as the lowest form of pleasure back in those days and the foundation for that belief had been laid thousands of years before.

In Asian culture, however, not much have been said or written about being against masturbation. In fact in my limited knowledge from ancient Chinese literature such as (金瓶梅）JIN PING MEI or HONG LOU MENG （红楼梦）, a reasonable amount of sexual description were involved, though subtle they could be wildly erotic; however, I could not recall any mentioning about masturbation in them.

In Singapore, I would love to think that we don’t need a campaign to ‘sex up’ the population. We already have one to get us into the mood for romance, so a sex campaign does sounds like a natural sequel though. Generally, we are still a very conservative society on many issues. Largely seemed as a fun-less state, some people are attributing the lack of sexual excitement in Singapore to the fact that many people are still living with parents until they get married, and the protective environment created for us. I have a friend who has to do it in the shower as she is still living with parents and does not enjoy a lot of privacy. Another friend who was caught by her mother with her hand in her shorts at the ripe age of 20 was humiliated (I thought the mum should apologise for barging in).

To be fair there are also people who do not masturbate either for religious or moral reasons. There is absolutely nothing wrong with abstaining from masturbation on any grounds. The act of masturbation by its very definition is about pleasure. If doing it makes you feel guilty or doesn't give you pleasure then please don't feel that you have to do it.

However, if the reason that people are not masturbating are the misconceptions, I sure hope to dispel some of them:

Not a Virgin?
Some people maintain the belief that if you masturbate you will no longer be a virgin. This is so untrue. Masturbation will not and cannot take away your virginity. A virgin, by definition, is someone who has not had sexual intercourse. Masturbation isn't sexual intercourse so if you have not had sex, then you are still a virgin. If you insert your fingers or other objects into your vagina, you may damage the hymen (the membrane that stretches across the opening and is typically broken during first-time sex). But then again there are many ways a woman can break her hymen accidentally without having sex, still none of them take away her virginity.

Couples Don’t?
Couples never masturbate is yet another common myth. In fact the reverse is often true. Mutual masturbation can often add to intimacy in a relationship and open channels of communication between a couple. Many people feel that they are failing in some way if they discover their partner is masturbating. This again is just not true in most cases. Often in a relationship one partner has a higher sex drive than the other, sometimes one partner may work away. If it worries or concerns you try and talk to your partner about why they feel they have to masturbate. You may just be surprised by the answers.

Pregnant Women Shouldn’t?
Pregnant woman shouldn't masturbate is another one. There is no medical evidence to suggest that this will harm the child or the mother in anyway. In fact when I was pregnant, New studies are showing that an orgasm can be a natural way to induce labor in the later stages of a pregnancy. This research is still in it's infancy but many nurses have long recognized this fact. There was a thought that orgasm could lead to premature labor and delivery, however new studies are now finding this is not always the case. Masturbation is a natural stress reliever and can therefore benefit a pregnant woman in the latter part of pregnancy when perhaps penetrative sex becomes more difficult to achieve. HOWEVER, if you do have a concern of premature labor, it is always best to check with your gynae.

It's dirty/I'm ashamed.
The clitoris is packed with thousands of highly sensitive nerve endings that respond to pleasurable stimulation and is the only organ in the human body whose sole function is to provide pleasure. It is a wonderful thing that women (and men) are made to experience pleasure. Bringing yourself to orgasm is as natural as breathing, and pleasure is our birthright as human beings.

I'll get addicted.
Masturbation is a natural way of releasing tension and boosting self-esteem. It also teaches sexual self-reliance. Trust me, a great sense of well-being can be achieved when a woman learns to masturbate and achieves orgasm, as it means she can take matters into her own hands! It's a positive, life affirming practice. If you get used to any behavior -- exercising frequently, or masturbating -- it's true that you may not want to stop. But that hardly means you're "addicted."

I won't be able to come any other way.
This is utter nonsense. For women, masturbation is probably the very first means we bring ourselves to orgasm. You can learn to come with penetration, with a partner, or train yourself to achieve orgasms any way you desire. Without masturbation, all of those would be much more difficult.

I have to save it for my partner; if I don't masturbate, maybe I can come with my partner.
Actually, it's the reverse. The more you masturbate, the better a sex partner you become -- and your orgasms actually will become easier. By "saving it" you are actually repressing it, making orgasms trickier to achieve. Masturbation lets you learn how to touch yourself, so you can accurately communicate your desires to your partner. And the more you get those muscles in shape from regular masturbation and orgasm, the easier orgasms will arrive when you're with a partner. And also, do yourself a favour, ok? It is not as if men will think the same when it comes to jacking off??

It isn't real sex.
I think this is what was meant – ‘It isn’t intercourse’. To me, it doesn’t really matter. All types of sex are sex – be it oral, anal, penetrative, masturbation etc. So, just enjoy it! However, I have to be fair too by saying yes, the orgasms from masturbation and penetrative sex could be different (See ‘The Mysterious Female Orgasms’), but no harm getting different types of orgasms right? As for the intimacy/emotional bonding, as long as you don’t neglect your partner and be too focused on your own pleasure, again, it’s nothing wrong bonding with yourself.

Masturbation is, in fact, probably the safest form of sex that anyone can practice. Remember you can't get pregnant or any STD's from masturbating but you can learn a lot about your own sexuality and body. The only time masturbation could present a real problem is if it becomes an obsession.

Cheers,
Nicole
Articles Editor
http://www.sensual-lifestyle.com
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