We too, like men, think about sex a lot and respond sexually to men, or even other women, though less often and typically less visual or explicit. Our fantasies are less focused on the genitals, unlike men’s fantasies, and more likely to construct some romantic encounters with emotional feelings and has more sounds and smell senses involved. 

Anytime, Anywhere, Anything! 

I have read that having fantasies are perfectly normal and those that you thought were “kinky” or immoral are really quite usual. I think the most beneficial thing that fantasizing has done for me is to keep me aroused during love making, especially when our career-minded and family-centered brain start wandering off to the worries of the day or the pressing issues of tomorrow. Other times fantasies add the final bit of excitement needed to trigger a powerful climax. Sometimes the fantasy is about my current partner, but most often than not, and with all due respect to him, they evolve around co-workers, bosses, attractive strangers, relatives, friends’ husbands/boyfriends or even other women. When the fantasy does not involve other people, it could be at a certain place such as a bench at a train station, or at certain scenarios such as sex as “punishment” for being “naughty”…… 

So what do other women fantasize about? Everything! Our fantasy topics range widely from non-sexual romantic seduction to violent rape and torture. What topics are appropriate and normal? All of them! I used to think that some of my fantasies are perverse but I came to learn that having those fantasies does not make me more likely to do it in real life and I still know the difference between right and wrong. Just like a novelist writing about a murder does not make him/her more likely to kill someone. I can’t deny or change the way or control what sexually arouse me. 

Guilt 

I also used to feel guilty about fantasizing about someone else other than my partner during partner sex but have grown to accept that it is normal and harmless as long as you call out the right name. Let’s face it, many of us have sex partners who are as exciting as watching grass grow. Fantasizing do not make us adulteress, in fact I think it helps us to avoid straying…. 

When do we fantasize? While doing Everything! My favorite time is while I am working out in the gym (perhaps to take my mind off the strenuous exercises…and it is said that physical exercises prepare the body for sex anyway), and during boring meetings. Other women fantasize while at work, while driving, while on the toilet, while on the phone with their mother or a client, during partner or solo sex etc. 

Most Popular 

Here are some of the most popular female sexual fantasies (not in order of preference!): 

Bad Girls – Bad Girls have wild and guilt-free sex. Women who are “good girls” in real life may long for uninhibited sex and fantasize being a prostitute, a stripper, a porn star or engaging in some plain slutty act and enjoying every single minute of it! 

Group Sex – Have double/triple/multiple dosage of the masculinity/feminity or a combination of both without facing any of the bad stuff that comes with it. In your fantasy nobody gets unwanted viruses, there is no worries about people finding out, your hubby won’t develop feelings for the other woman, and won’t get jealous of the other man who gave you the intense orgasm… 

Girl-Girl Sex – These days these fantasies are so common that it’s almost strange when a woman doesn’t have them. Fantasizing gal-gal sex does not make you a lesbian, that’s because lesbianism is a sexual orientation, and not physical sex between two women. With another woman you can experience the softness, gentleness and the closeness that only a woman can give, qualities which men has difficulties offering. 

Incest and Inappropriate Partners – Though a major taboo in our society, it is not unusual for women to fantasize about sex with family members especially since our fantasies are often formed when we are young, and our first sexual experiences are likely to occur within the immediate family. It could be bumping into a brother masturbating, or hearing your parents having sex. The fantasies could also involve uncles, cousins or in-laws, the thrill of being morally wrong is a major turn on for some. In these, you can have sex with people you never could or would in real life, like your best friend’s husband (or husband’s best friend, whatever), and nobody’s feelings get hurt. 

Rape – This type of fantasy allows a woman to be sexual without being responsible for their actions. Being tied up in the office, for example, is a favorite one with a vice president of a bank. In real life, she is often in power at work, however, in her fantasy she surrenders her control and gets raped by men in the office. It is a way to express her desire to be sexual and submissive, not a subconscious desire to be raped. 

Sex in Public – This is about fooling around at places where there’s the risk of being caught. My favorite while studying in the university is to grab my lover and doing it at the back of a lecture theatre or in the AV room in an auditorium where there is a performance going on…there is no fear of committing some offence in the fantasy, the crowd may even cheer you on! 

Sex with an Audience – It is very erotic when you know there are people watching you and yet don’t have to feel conscious about your cellulites and such! In such fantasies you get to be sexually desirable and get all the attention. You may be the star in a porn scene with 10 people on the shooting crew, or you may have your friends/co-workers/business associates watch you and marvel at your perfect body and what a great lover you are! Great for the ego! 

Sex with a Stranger – A totally uninhibited, naughty and spontaneous one night stand with an attractive stranger you will never see again is sexually liberating for many women. In real life there are many circumstances that prevent it. In this fantasy there is no strings attached, no itch that won’t go away, and no worry of having to face those men afterwards. It allows you to be emotionlessly sexual and without fear of being labeled. 

Painful Sex or Torture – Sometimes pain and pleasure do mix…A friend of mine who likes to fantasize about being spanked or punished experience heightened pleasure from the imaginary pain perceived ranging from mild discomfort of spanking to hot candle wax dripping to being violently tortured. However, contrary to common belief, women who fantasize about being tortured are often not physically abused during childhood. 

(Tell us your fantasies by email: Click here to submit. The best story of the month gets published and wins a prize!) 

Making it Come True 

Is it good to “live your fantasies”? Yes so long as it does not hurt anyone and your partner is agreeable. Harmless play-acting like raping, or spanking can add excitement for couples. A friend of mine likes to pick up her husband from a bar, pretending that they are strangers. They would flirt, drink, dance, talk dirty, check in to a hotel and have a “one night stand” and then wake up the next morning pretending to forget each other’s name. Another man likes to hook up his skimpily-dressed girlfriend from the street and strike a sex deal with her, then pay her for a blowjob. Instead of feeling degraded, his girlfriend loves it a lot and does it so well that other men tried to hook her up as well! 

Such role-playing with your own partners is perfectly fine and fun when both parties enjoy it. However some fantasies are better left as fantasies especially those that involve three-ways or orgies when you have a partner who is uneasy with such ideas. These alternative sexual practices could be potentially destructive to a relationship when jealousy or complications set in. However, with good communication and strong mutual trust, such experiments can also lead to long term fulfilling polyamory relationships. 

There are also some secret fantasies that should remain as a private thought. There was man who fantasized about his wife’s younger married sister, though in real life, he would never make a pass at her. When he shared his fantasy with his wife, she was angry and bewildered. She started to be extremely jittery whenever her sister was around and she constantly watched them both closely for any slightest sign of flirtation. Aware that she felt distrusting, not only of her husband, but also of her sister, she chose to end her marriage instead of further damaging her relationship with her sister. The fantasy proved to be too personal, and too threatening. 

In the world of sexual fantasies there are nothing “wrong” or “off limits”, these are your own secrets that exist only in your mind. It is ok to fantasize about things that are illegal, self destructive, morally wrong or socially unacceptable that would otherwise be disgusting and offensive in reality. It is normal and often helpful in bringing back the excitement and novelty into our sex lives. 

---------- Editor @ Sensual-Lifestyle.com 2003