The Mysterious Female Orgasms
The orgasm, the climax, the Big O, whatever you call it, is the much sought after conclusion after sexual arousal. It need not happen for female masturbation to feel good or enjoy a sexual experience, however, it is definitely a very desirable outcome if she has an orgasm or better still, multiple ones…While non-orgasmic women may seem to be “totally satisfied” without orgasms, I have never heard of women who were orgasmic but somehow lost the ability (due to antidepressants, menopause etc) told me they are still satisfied. The only probable reason that non-orgasmic women were okay with it is that they simply didn’t know what they were missing out!
The thing is, while it is inevitable for a man to have an orgasm and ejaculate after sufficient stimulation, female orgasms doesn’t always come easily. Women are more complicated than men, and it takes a considerate and skilled lover to assist a woman in achieving her orgasm. Assist, not give. Because we need to understand that men don’t give women orgasms – women allow themselves to have orgasms.
Women who are in touch with their sexuality and sexual pleasures have amazing capacity for orgasms, and it is limitless. They can come over and over again and still be ready for more! They can experience clitoral orgasms, G-spot orgasms, vaginal orgasms, ejaculatory orgasms, blended orgasms etc! They have even been blessed with the clitoris, an organ with no apparent function except to derive sexual pleasure. Sounds unfair to the men who typically reach a precipice, fall over the edge, roll over and go to sleep!
Despite the enviable capability to be multiple-orgasmic, studies have shown only around 35% of the female population will orgasm during intercourse. Failure to reach, or difficulty in reaching orgasm during intercourse often cause the women, and/or their partners to feel inept or dysfunctional. Worse still, once the women succumb to the pressures of “orgasm performance” due to the societal emphasis that an orgasm is the sole goal of sex, they resort to faking orgasms which is a really bad idea.
The Definition
When sexually aroused, a woman’s body packs blood into her clitoris, labia and tissue surrounding her vaginal opening. Physical tension builds, as does the subjective experience of sexual arousal. If an orgasm occurs, the blood is released from the genital tissue and the woman senses a warm wave of intense pleasure in association with each strong contraction of her pelvic floor muscles. After an orgasm (or several orgasms if the woman is multiply-orgasmic) both mind and body relax, as the woman bathes in her quiet post-orgasmic after-glow.
Female Sexual Anatomy
Female genitals are variations on the same theme, but no two women look exactly the same. Thus, a single drawing cannot look like every woman. However, the one presented here portrays all the essential "parts" of a woman's vulva. At the top is the clitoral hood, in this drawing it appears quite fleshy. The hood may be thick or thin, might cover the head of the clitoris, or allow it to be exposed as shown here. Whether the hood is thick or thin, covers the clitoris or not, seems unrelated to woman's ability to orgasm.
Beneath the clitoral hood lies the clitoral shaft. The length of the shaft will vary among women, just as penis size varies among men. The head of the clitoris is rich with nerve endings and is the major pleasure centre in most women. Most women require clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm at all, although the sensitivity of this small organ will vary among women. For some women direct stimulation of the clitoral head is pleasurable, but for others the head is too sensitive and stimulation of the shaft works best. Physiologically the clitoris is similar to the penis -- it gets engorges with blood and begin to swell and, like the penis, its size does not relate to the amount of pleasure it can derive.
The small inner lips might be thin or full, short or long. Often, as in the portrayal above, one lip will be larger than the other. Nothing on one side of the human body is a mirror image of the corresponding part of the other side, and so asymmetrical genital lips (labia) are not uncommon and should be no cause for concern.
A woman's urethral opening, from which she urinates, is below the clitoris and above the vaginal opening. Often this opening cannot be seen without close inspection.
The opening to the vagina is below the clitoris, perhaps an inch or so. The walls of a woman's vagina are relatively insensitive, except for a place that when touched can drive a woman wild. The G Spot, named after Ernest Grafenberg, who first described it in 1950. The existence of the G spot is still controversial, some women finding it and others not. The current theory is that the G spot is a collection of glands, ducts, blood vessels and nerve endings that surround a woman’s urethra.
Most women who report finding the G spot locate it one and a half to two inches from the opening of the vagina on the upper front wall, just behind the pubic bone. When stimulated it can swell to the size of a dime or larger, but it might just be some bumpy or ridged skin when it is not aroused and might be more difficult to find. A good time to stimulate the G spot is when she is just approaching orgasm. Try licking her clitoris while you touch her G spot and see her reaction!
The Sexual Response Cycle
Sexologists have broken the sexual response cycle into four phases, excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. These are arbitrary definitions and a person is not likely to be aware of their body experiencing each individual phase. The amount of time a person spends in each phase, and even the order in which they experience them may vary. A woman on a date may become sexually aroused several times, even without her knowing it, without her ever reaching the plateau phase. She may experience arousal and the plateau phase during an intense session of dancing, but return to her un-aroused state during the ride home. Once home she may quickly experience arousal and orgasm as the result of direct genital stimulation without experiencing the plateau phase. The manner in which a person experiences each phase is unique to them, and even this will change depending on their mood and who they are with.
The first step in the "sexual response cycle" is excitement arousal. As a woman becomes aroused (turned on), physical changes begin. Blood is sent down into the tissue of her genitals. Her genital lips will swell a bit and might spread open. Her clitoris, (often called the pleasure bud) is composed of spongy erectile tissue that engorges, enlarges, and firms. The clitoris becomes exquisitely sensitive to touch. As the woman responds the muscles around the entrance to her vaginal will relax and the slippery lubricant will seep out from its opening.
During arousal a woman's nipple might be erect. Some will develop a slight rash (call the sexual flush) on their chests. Breathing is likely to change and blood pressure will increase.
With continued stimulation, most typically and effectively focused on the clitoris, the orgasmic woman will mentally experience her rapidly escalating excitement. Her breathing pattern will change, her psychological awareness will focus on the stimulation, and she will probably close her eyes and she can feel her body begin to tense. The muscles in her legs, pelvis and abdomen will tighten. This is called hypertonicity and should not be a reason for a woman to stop! In fact, a small number of women can orgasm with no touching at all, simply by tightening their abdominal/pelvic muscles. Maybe you can start to notice those ladies doing such exercises the next time you work out at the gym!
No one quite understands the neurological build up or what the exact orgasmic trigger is (or where it is located). But, the excitement builds to a point that a strong reflex is activated. The muscles in the woman's pelvic floor (called the PC muscles) begin to automatically contract, and the resulting experience of these contractions are the waves of intense pleasure that sweep through the body. Some women will moan, some will cry out, some remain silent. Some women thrust with each contraction, some do not. As the orgasm subsides, some women cry, some laugh, but most just "ooooohh".
The Orgasm
During the peak of orgasmic response, all kinds of things can happen. The vaginal muscles contract rhythmically and the waves of pleasures are strongest and last longer when there is something inside me. For most women their uterus will also contract, although not in synch with the PC muscles. Sometimes I can feel what seem to be uterine spasms and there will be a deep feeling of warmth. When the orgasms are quick and shallow, the pleasure mainly concentrates in the pelvic region. But when it involves vaginal and uterine orgasms, it could be a full blown whole body experience where involuntary clenching of various muscles are involved—pelvis, thighs, face etc. They can also cause me to briefly lose feelings in my feet and legs, get tunnel vision, or visualize some spiritual colors. After some serious orgasms, I may have cramps on the abs or butt muscles for 2 or 3 days. Sometimes, after going for a few days without orgasms and with daily kegels, the orgasms could be really intense that even the neighbors may know that you are having them…
Here is Masters and Johnson's description of female orgasm: "Women often describe the sensations of an orgasm as beginning with a momentary sense of suspension, quickly followed by an intensely pleasurable feeling that usually begins at the clitoris and rapidly spreads throughout the pelvis. The physical sensations of the genitals are often described as warm, electric, or tingly, and these usually spread through the body. Finally, most women feel muscle contractions in their vagina or lower pelvis, often described as "pelvic throbbing.""
If a woman who has never experienced orgasm wants a small sample of that experience, she can rhythmically contract her pelvic floor muscles. Then multiply these sensations by one hundred! If a woman does not know where these muscles are, she should read the article on the Articles page that describe the Kegel Exercises . (Read article “Secrets to Intense Orgasms”)
The relaxation and warm feelings of contentment that follow an orgasm is known as the afterglow. There are many more positive side effects that come with orgasms such as it can relieve my tension headaches, ease my blocked nose etc. Sometimes I sleep better, sometimes I remain ecstatic for the next few hours, depending on the intensity of the orgasms. There are women who have the natural capabilities of experiencing one or more additional orgasms but nobody knows why others can’t.
Are All Orgasms the Same?
While all orgasms are organically the same, women have described a difference in their orgasmic experience, depending on the type of stimulation that brought them to their climax... oral, vibrator, manual. There is a difference between reaching orgasm with the manual stimulation by a partner and reaching orgasm with self-pleasuring (masturbation). It is also a different experience depending on whether or not there is something (a dildo or a penis) in the vagina. It is sometimes easier for a woman to orgasm with one partner than it is with another, even though she is unsure of the reason.
Clitoral vs. Vaginal Orgasms
Some people may feel that it is meaningless to try to distinguish between clitoral and vaginal orgasms. They feel that if a woman is able to reach orgasm with nipple stimulation or fantasizing, then what kind of orgasms are these supposed to classify as? “Nipple orgasm”? “Brain orgasm”? It is argued that it makes better sense to talk of the location of the orgasmic response, rather than the site of stimulation that triggered it. Nevertheless, it is still worth discussing the 2 most common orgasms in women.
Shere Hite, in her famous report on female sexuality, reported that about 70% of the women she surveyed required at least some stimulation of their clitoris in order to have an orgasm. The clitoris has more nerve endings which may be the reason more women have clitoral orgasms than vaginal orgasms. Vaginal orgasms often involve the contractions of the uterus as well. Some women have blended orgasms, which arise from both the clitoris and deep inside the vagina. Two factors seem to determine if women have vaginal orgasms: the strength of the PC muscles and the sensitivity of their G spots or other internal spots.
One woman explains her experience:” During masturbation I experience a clitoral orgasm that approximates my idea of male orgasm--a buildup of overall sensation in the general area of my clitoris, and a “muscle spasm” feeling. A vaginal orgasm is a more pervasive sensation through the whole body, less concrete to describe-wider waves of feeling.”
Missionary intercourse position often misses the G spot completely. It is easier to stimulate this area if the man enters from behind while the woman lies on her stomach. Or she can be on top. Shallow thrusting is best. However, the fingers are usually most direct and effective so far, so masturbation is strongly recommended for locating the G-spot. Besides, there are plenty of electric vibrators that are shaped for G spot stimulation and the best thing is—they don’t get impatient or tired!
Remember, not all women have or can find their G spots so if your woman can’t find hers, the last thing you want to do is to pressurize her or make her feel inadequate. There are other ways you can satisfy her.
Being Multiple Orgasmic
If a woman experiences one orgasm, she can usually have many more in one session, as long as adequate stimulation continues. Some women will have one orgasm right after another, for as long as the stimulation is continued. My partner normally ensures that I get at least 2 or 3 before he proceeds to get his. Some women have another orgasm after some rest after the first session. The clitoris may be extremely sensitive after the first orgasm, and it prefers to be left alone. In this case, deep breathing may help a woman recover more quickly, enabling her to move onto her next orgasm. Sometimes a male partner who has himself had an orgasm may just want to roll over and sleep, thus if he wants to bring their female partner to multiple orgasms, they will probably have to forego their own pleasure, at least temporally. In many cases multiple orgasms occur during masturbation as there is nothing or no one to distract a woman from her pleasure, and a vibrator is more likely to be utilized.
Masturbation is a perfectly safe and healthy way to explore your own body and find out what please you most. One of the most important aspects of female masturbation is that it gives you a chance to learn about your body. Women who are sexually aware through masturbating before they begin partner sex tend to have a more satisfying sex lives subsequently. That’s because they can guide their partners into stimulating them to orgasm and this itself is a major turn-on for the partners to know that they enjoy sex! On the other hand, women who have never touched themselves for whatever reason, be it guilt or disgust or pure apathy, seldom report passionate or fulfilling sex lives. (Read section on Masturbation)
Healing Powers of Orgasms?
Sexual fulfillment enhances your well-being without question. But is orgasm necessary for female sexual happiness? While it is true that there are millions of women who have lived happy and fulfilling lives having never experienced an orgasm, their lives probably would have been more enjoyable if they had. Orgasm is a normal bodily function. If a woman does not experience orgasm, she may find herself feelings very uncomfortable after sex, because of the excess blood trapped in her pelvic organs. In the absence of an orgasm, I can sometimes feel a sort of heavy discomfort in my lower abdomen. Some report women develop back pains and other health problems as a result of this unreleased sexual tension. Doctors in the past used vibrators to bring female patients to orgasm as a means of treating female health problems. While orgasm is not necessary for female happiness, it does make life more enjoyable.
Don’t Fake it!
Faking orgasm is definitely a bad idea. I have never needed to fake it thanks to my fantastic lover. When you fake an orgasm, what starts out as a means of saving face in front of a new partner, and as a means of giving a partner a morale boost, usually ends up being a permanent way of life. They are indirectly sabotaging their own sexual happiness! When you have faked orgasm, and decide to tell your partner, you have to admit not only to not having had orgasms, but you must admit to lying to your partner, to hiding something from them, and to fooling them. Women who fake orgasm face becoming so frustrated by their inability to orgasm, and their partners lack of skill, that they soon find themselves just wanting to get over with the sex ordeal or avoiding sex altogether. When a woman experiences an orgasm, real or faked, she is indicating to her partner that they have done a good job, and that they do not need to do anything differently next time. A woman who fakes orgasm is telling her partner that they do not need to change their sexual technique, which is totally opposite of what she should be telling them.
Female Ejaculation
A small percentage of women will expel a clear fluid when they have G spot or vaginal orgasm. This fluid comes out of the urethral opening, and is often mistaken for urine. This fluid is quite different from a woman's sexual lubrication, but many people believe that a woman who is exceptionally wet with her slippery lubricant has ejaculated. This is not so. The lubrication comes from small glands just inside the vaginal opening and is thick. The ejaculate comes from the urethral opening and is watery. Recent chemical analysis of the female ejaculatory fluid suggests that it is unlike either urine or vaginal lubrication, but rather is like male ejaculatory fluid in its high levels of glucose and acid phosphatase. One man described getting hit in the face the first time he goes down on his girlfriend. You may never know with some women you need oral-sex goggles…
While some women are fascinated about ejaculating and are learning the techniques to achieve that, some others have warned against forcing it as it may result in incontinence or weakening of pelvic floor muscles. They argue that to do the female ejaculation you are essentially doing the opposite of Kegels.
In any case, it is an erotic sight to some if you are a natural female ejaculator. But to deliberately learn it may be unnecessary as it does not bring you additional sensations. If you really need to, just remember to water-proof your beddings!
The issue of female orgasm is complex. While at one extreme some women never have a single orgasm while awake (some will come in their sleep, the female equivalent of a boy's wet dream), but others will have three or more...my max was 6 so far… the record is somewhere around 35 in an hour. There is also a wide variety of ways women get off. Some women can come with nipple stimulation alone, some can get off by squeezing the pelvic floor muscles that surround the opening of their vaginas, and some women have been found to be able to orgasm with fantasy alone. It is our birthright to have orgasms so treat yourself to some fun!
---------Editor @ sensual-lifestyle.com 2003 |
